- Dirty Land - Our New Game! - 26 September 2020
Dirty Land is a videogame about real estate, crime, and desperation, inspired by classic sales movies of the 80s and 90s. Step into the shoes of Frank Marsh, a newly hired salesman for Pure Sky Properties, a real estate office where coffee is for closers and the status quo is hawking swamp land to unsuspecting buyers for a tidy profit. Will you cast aside your ethics for a quick buck, or will you take the high road and find a way to scrape by honestly? We need your help to bring Dirty Land to Windows, OSX, and Linux. And of course... Steam! We are currently live on Kickstarter too: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/naturally/dirty-land-thrill-of-the-sale/ Check it out!
- Episode Two - Coming Soon - 12 March 2018
STEAM - COMING SOON Check out the Steam Coming Soon page for Episode Two: http://store.steampowered.com/app/798630/Patchman_vs_Blue_Squares/ Please follow and add to your wishlist! :) KICKSTARTER - LIVE NOW! We're also running a Kickstarter! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/naturally/patchman-vs-blue-squares Visit there to try out our free demo and meet the Sheeple Drifter! :) We put a ton of work into this! We need your help to not let it all disappear into the void! Please wishlist us and consider your pledge! Or else the Sheeple will never be rescued! :(
- Episode Two - Coming Soon - 12 March 2018
STEAM - COMING SOON Check out the Steam Coming Soon page for Episode Two: http://store.steampowered.com/app/798630/Patchman_vs_Blue_Squares/ Please follow and add to your wishlist! :) KICKSTARTER - LIVE NOW! We're also running a Kickstarter! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/naturally/patchman-vs-blue-squares Visit there to try out our free demo and meet the Sheeple Drifter! :) We put a ton of work into this! We need your help to not let it all disappear into the void! Please wishlist us and consider your pledge! Or else the Sheeple will never be rescued! :(
- It's Always Been Episode One... - 6 February 2018
Hi! Notice anything different? After long deliberation, this package has been renamed to PATCHMAN VS. RED CIRCLES (again!) and most likely won't be updated with further episodes. Why? Because we are making the second episode right now, PATCHMAN VS. BLUE SQUARES and have to release it separately. Reasoning below, but first, an apology: Sorry! If I do disappoint you with this move, I'm really sorry!! Just know I had to decide for a long time, a painful decision, and am making what I can out of a tough situation. I'll break it down in two parts why it's the best course of action: First, survival/financial/marketing reasons. If I only add the new episode to this package, it is 99.9% likely die a lonely death that no one will know about it except the owners, who are very few. Yeah, this game didn't sell well, AT ALL. Like if you even KNOW about this game's existence, you are in a very exclus…
- It's Always Been Episode One... - 6 February 2018
Hi! Notice anything different? After long deliberation, this package has been renamed to PATCHMAN VS. RED CIRCLES (again!) and most likely won't be updated with further episodes. Why? Because we are making the second episode right now, PATCHMAN VS. BLUE SQUARES and have to release it separately. Reasoning below, but first, an apology: Sorry! If I do disappoint you with this move, I'm really sorry!! Just know I had to decide for a long time, a painful decision, and am making what I can out of a tough situation. I'll break it down in two parts why it's the best course of action: First, survival/financial/marketing reasons. If I only add the new episode to this package, it is 99.9% likely die a lonely death that no one will know about it except the owners, who are very few. Yeah, this game didn't sell well, AT ALL. Like if you even KNOW about this game's existence, you are in a very exclus…
- Only One Week Left to Win Your Mug! - 24 December 2017
Do you want a unique coffee mug proclaiming how GREAT you are? And how you're not even Patchman? Well, you have until the end of December to log your score on our leaderboards. CLAIMING TOP SPOT We currently have 14 eligible top slots to claim, at least two of which are *completely* blank! That means no other competition for those slots (Fastest Time, Level 7/8). There are even some boards that have only a single entry or very few entries. So your chances of placing are quite high right now, as compared to say a year from now when the boards will potentially be more clogged up! A handy list of all the leaderboards, plus more info+rules: http://www.dontbepatchman.com/leaderboards.php MUG PREVIEW Concept of the mug design (will be improved+finalized after contest): EPISODE TWO Works progresses nicely on Episode Two! We are super excited about it. Here is an early screenshot of Patchman fi…
- Only One Week Left to Win Your Mug! - 24 December 2017
Do you want a unique coffee mug proclaiming how GREAT you are? And how you're not even Patchman? Well, you have until the end of December to log your score on our leaderboards. CLAIMING TOP SPOT We currently have 14 eligible top slots to claim, at least two of which are *completely* blank! That means no other competition for those slots (Fastest Time, Level 7/8). There are even some boards that have only a single entry or very few entries. So your chances of placing are quite high right now, as compared to say a year from now when the boards will potentially be more clogged up! A handy list of all the leaderboards, plus more info+rules: http://www.dontbepatchman.com/leaderboards.php MUG PREVIEW Concept of the mug design (will be improved+finalized after contest): EPISODE TWO Works progresses nicely on Episode Two! We are super excited about it. Here is an early screenshot of Patchman fi…
- Five Languages Added! - 16 November 2017
Japanese, French, Russian, Spanish, and German! Full menu, story, comic book, and level name translations (basically everything important in the game) have been added to our game. With the help of many friends, who just happen to be fluent in these languages, the game was translated. One caveat: the store pages and title images were not translated, but everything in the game past the splash screen is! And even the splash screen provides the translation for that art. These are all the languages supported. If it has a thought bubble that means fully supported, otherwise it's just translated for menus. LOL!
- Five Languages Added! - 16 November 2017
Japanese, French, Russian, Spanish, and German! Full menu, story, comic book, and level name translations (basically everything important in the game) have been added to our game. With the help of many friends, who just happen to be fluent in these languages, the game was translated. One caveat: the store pages and title images were not translated, but everything in the game past the splash screen is! And even the splash screen provides the translation for that art. These are all the languages supported. If it has a thought bubble that means fully supported, otherwise it's just translated for menus. LOL!
- Out of Early Access - 19 October 2017
Launch is a go!! Don't be Patchman? But you ARE Patchman! So how do you stop being him? We can think of one way... We've built, played, battered, and finalized the first episode of the game. Twenty Steam Achievements are ready to be collected, we're running a Leaderboard contest, you can start collecting the comic book, and begin figuring out the mystery of why YOU shouldn't be Patchman. Who? Well, come along with us and find out. We have so much to show you... epic plot twists, mind-blowing theme, and all that. Later, when we add more episodes, this Steam package will contain them for FREE! I must apologize as the budget behind this game is tiny and as such the technical visual quality isn't as amazing as your average game is expected to be these days. But what we lack in tech we made up for in clever gameplay and unique story! You can enter our leaderboard contest to win a coffee mug…
- Out of Early Access - 19 October 2017
Launch is a go!! Don't be Patchman? But you ARE Patchman! So how do you stop being him? We can think of one way... We've built, played, battered, and finalized the first episode of the game. Twenty Steam Achievements are ready to be collected, we're running a Leaderboard contest, you can start collecting the comic book, and begin figuring out the mystery of why YOU shouldn't be Patchman. Who? Well, come along with us and find out. We have so much to show you... epic plot twists, mind-blowing theme, and all that. Later, when we add more episodes, this Steam package will contain them for FREE! I must apologize as the budget behind this game is tiny and as such the technical visual quality isn't as amazing as your average game is expected to be these days. But what we lack in tech we made up for in clever gameplay and unique story! You can enter our leaderboard contest to win a coffee mug…
- LEADERBOARD CONTEST + TRADING CARDS - 18 September 2017
LEADERBOARD CONTEST: At the end of the year we'll be sending out Championship Coffee Mugs to the top players on our Steam leaderboards! We'll take a snapshot of the best scores at the end of each year, post them, and if you're on it you'll just need to contact us to claim your mug by sending us your mailing address. We hope to run the same contest every year. For the best scores, and to be logged on Fastest Time boards, we advise playing on HARD difficulty mode. You can see full information about the contest here: http://www.dontbepatchman.com/leaderboards.php TRADING CARDS: We've added 6 trading cards to the game! The first five feature Patchman fighting one of the bosses in the game, while the final card is a special rare victory card showing Patchman on top of a pile of broken drones. In this card Patchman has all the power, as he holds the hoe, the most useful gardening tool, and in…
- LEADERBOARD CONTEST + TRADING CARDS - 18 September 2017
LEADERBOARD CONTEST: At the end of the year we'll be sending out Championship Coffee Mugs to the top players on our Steam leaderboards! We'll take a snapshot of the best scores at the end of each year, post them, and if you're on it you'll just need to contact us to claim your mug by sending us your mailing address. We hope to run the same contest every year. For the best scores, and to be logged on Fastest Time boards, we advise playing on HARD difficulty mode. You can see full information about the contest here: http://www.dontbepatchman.com/leaderboards.php TRADING CARDS: We've added 6 trading cards to the game! The first five feature Patchman fighting one of the bosses in the game, while the final card is a special rare victory card showing Patchman on top of a pile of broken drones. In this card Patchman has all the power, as he holds the hoe, the most useful gardening tool, and in…
- SHOVEL AXED BY THE HOE - 6 July 2017
After a lot of debate, we've made a significant change to our game mechanics. The hoe, shovel, and axe have all been modified and placed in different levels. Why? Part of the reason is that the hoe was always supposed to be the most powerful tool, the goto for Patchman, but it turned out the shovel became by far the best tool to take with you from the shack. OLD TOOL POWERS: Hoe - Removes low plants from the ground/soil Shovel - Digs new soil Axe - Removes larger plants from the ground/soil NEW TOOL POWERS: Axe - Removes most plants and bushes Hoe - Creates new soil from grassy tiles Shovel - Digs near water and rivers to expand them This new setup gives a broader range of actions Patchman can do! The unfortunate part is that now you get the Axe first, and that seems a bit out of place, not getting the Hoe until the Sheeple Rush level. Also, the Axe is misleading because players tend to…
- SHOVEL AXED BY THE HOE - 6 July 2017
After a lot of debate, we've made a significant change to our game mechanics. The hoe, shovel, and axe have all been modified and placed in different levels. Why? Part of the reason is that the hoe was always supposed to be the most powerful tool, the goto for Patchman, but it turned out the shovel became by far the best tool to take with you from the shack. OLD TOOL POWERS: Hoe - Removes low plants from the ground/soil Shovel - Digs new soil Axe - Removes larger plants from the ground/soil NEW TOOL POWERS: Axe - Removes most plants and bushes Hoe - Creates new soil from grassy tiles Shovel - Digs near water and rivers to expand them This new setup gives a broader range of actions Patchman can do! The unfortunate part is that now you get the Axe first, and that seems a bit out of place, not getting the Hoe until the Sheeple Rush level. Also, the Axe is misleading because players tend to…
- EPISODE ONE: BETA HAS ARRIVED! - 24 February 2017
I am very proud to announce the release of DON'T BE PATCHMAN: EPISODE ONE. What is Episode One? There weren't any episodes before! Well, the game has grown too big, so now there are episodes. Each island is an episode. The first island is Episode One, it's the forest island with Red Drones and the Circle Boss, plus Granny and the House Sheeple. It contains four comic book pages to collect, each with it's own music. There are ten levels, some of them are quite complex. The last level, the circle boss level, has a NEW surprise ending when you beat it! There are a TON of new features in this release. Procedural generation is a big one! Level Nine is a drone factory maze that changes every time you play it. Many of the levels have what I call "partial" procedural generation, the level as a whole "feels" the same every time you play, but a lot of things are moved around each time, creating a…
- EPISODE ONE: BETA HAS ARRIVED! - 24 February 2017
I am very proud to announce the release of DON'T BE PATCHMAN: EPISODE ONE. What is Episode One? There weren't any episodes before! Well, the game has grown too big, so now there are episodes. Each island is an episode. The first island is Episode One, it's the forest island with Red Drones and the Circle Boss, plus Granny and the House Sheeple. It contains four comic book pages to collect, each with it's own music. There are ten levels, some of them are quite complex. The last level, the circle boss level, has a NEW surprise ending when you beat it! There are a TON of new features in this release. Procedural generation is a big one! Level Nine is a drone factory maze that changes every time you play it. Many of the levels have what I call "partial" procedural generation, the level as a whole "feels" the same every time you play, but a lot of things are moved around each time, creating a…
- Windows Early Access - 29 April 2016
We've rolled out Version 0.5 of our game! This includes a LOT of new content and features, including seven comic book pages and a new main menu. There are still a ton of features waiting to be deployed that are used in later levels. Patchman is no longer a SteamOS/Linux exclusive. While we were the first to do so, we're no longer the only one. We're passing the torch along to another game, will anyone else take it? KNOWN ISSUES: - Sometimes the Back button the Comics stops working - Sometimes respawn on Easy/Medium for Level 5 crashes - Hints are a bit quirky or not optimal sometimes We've issued fixes for these but aren't 100% sure they are solved. LINUX RELEASE NOTES: - If you are on Linux and experience troubles launching after upgrade, please uninstall and reinstall. Cheers and Don't Be Patchman!
- Windows Early Access - 29 April 2016
We've rolled out Version 0.5 of our game! This includes a LOT of new content and features, including seven comic book pages and a new main menu. There are still a ton of features waiting to be deployed that are used in later levels. Patchman is no longer a SteamOS/Linux exclusive. While we were the first to do so, we're no longer the only one. We're passing the torch along to another game, will anyone else take it? KNOWN ISSUES: - Sometimes the Back button the Comics stops working - Sometimes respawn on Easy/Medium for Level 5 crashes - Hints are a bit quirky or not optimal sometimes We've issued fixes for these but aren't 100% sure they are solved. LINUX RELEASE NOTES: - If you are on Linux and experience troubles launching after upgrade, please uninstall and reinstall. Cheers and Don't Be Patchman!
- Comics and Cutscenes - 12 April 2016
It was always a hope to add animated cutscenes into the game. At one point I (developer Dave) had taken inspiration from Super Meat Boy and tried my hand at animating a scene using Synfig (an opensource Flash-like tool). That didn't work out well enough to go forward. Karly MacDonald was asked to try her hand at a cutscene. She successfully created a test scene and I successfully integrated it into the engine, displaying it before Level 5 (factory boss fight). This scene never shipped with the Early Alpha tho, because I didn't want players to expect more of them until I knew for sure we could commit to them. While Karly did her job, the remaining scenes were canceled due to the looming unaffordable expense. You can see a video of it here: https://youtu.be/D5AEZtKtJTQ The cutscene worked, but the effort involved in just this little scene would have to be multiplied many times over to get…
