- GIVE the GIFT of CHAIR F*CKER 🎄🪑 - 19 December 2024
Your friends, enemies, and respected heroes all will appreciate the gift of CHAIR F*CKING SIMULATOR this HOLIDAY SEASON. Currently on sale 20% OFF for the Steam Winter Sale until Jan 2nd!
- CHAIR F*CKING SIMULATOR 2024 UPDATE ! COUCH ADDED - 27 August 2024
Your government-assigned couch spouse has ARRIVED on the scene. So mac truck back up whack up that snack up stuff that food into those cushions and go full concentrated ham in The-Random-August-2024-ChairF*cking-Simulator-Update! Available in the starting roster, no special secret unlock crap required! WOW Also In This Update: A really stupid bug with the Achievements not unlocking promptly should be fixed. The responsible horrible person has been appropriately thrown empty into the sea. New texty bits added for the sparkling chair browsing experience
- WOW It's a CHAIR F*CKING SIMULATOR 2024 UPDATE! - 27 August 2024
HEY CRRAIG HIY KYLE NO CAP BRAYDEN you tired of f*cking a puny chair and watching ur billionaire friends have SICKASS sock darning lessons on their plump-ass trophy couches? BRO, double dip your shoe shine in-between these wet sofa cushions like a privileged Vice Magazine cover model. Get slapped up real good like your best friend Dustin Nathaniel David Joseph John. slide it up SLIDE IT TWICE because this couch is gonna dap up your wide wrists like an unscratched Ford visa Bronco wagon. Reload your jesus machinegun, because your government-assigned couch spouse has ARRIVED on the scene. this juicy lamb of the lake is gonna lather up your mind and soul right out of your smelly asshole. you don't need a subscription to this service, baby, because you OWN IT, you bought it forever and you can hold it in your little tiny needle fingers, ripe and sloppy with gin and beef stick grease. Availa…
- It's A Chair F*cking Simulator Update - 4 February 2022
HELLO CHAIR FANS & ENTHUSIASTS Take off your skid marks and get ready to raw straight through the cave cheese and deep dive into that soft onion-to-onion grappling flavor. We bring you a small pretty OK update. It's not bad! One that will be sure to make you go "..Alright!" WHAT'S NEW Ottoman added to the chair roster A new Chair Stats screen- to tell you all about what you've done and haven't done- to help out the completionists. Grandma always advised you to keep a diary, and now you have a stained book full of cream cheese and scream memories on which to reflect. End of encounter results now has some accompanying sound effects. Bug fixes & some minor improvements Stop cooking meth for a minute, and check this out: You're under arrest! Just kidding, play Chair F*cking Simulator and try not to dig holes in your neighbor's yard.
- Halloween Theme is Back! - 15 October 2021
https://media.giphy.com/media/wzygmK4ZQ5XrLbLRSJ/giphy.gif 🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃 ℍ𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔼ℕ came back. Holy crap! It returned! We better celebrate by letting a bunch of pumpkins watch us slap the bassline. For all of October the Halloween theme is active again in Chair F*cking Simulator! Come and come! Let's all put the pump in pumpkin! Follow us on Twitter
- New Chair Enters the Battle - 17 June 2021
Hello, we decided to update and add 1 chair. Please enjoy branded wrist bracelets and flavored condoms. 🏳🌈💖 https://media.giphy.com/media/hR5PFU7TOhIVNtpJLO/giphy.gif Other fascinating things in this update 🪑: New name text strings Bug fixes for googley eyes either not appearing and/or not hiding entirely on certain chairs Animation bug fix for the demonic chesterfield A bugfix for a very small edgecase where the "No Chair Left Out" achievement might not unlock. Beware Viewer: A chonkier update is also in the works. In the meantime please yell at us or just say in the Steam forums or on the internet's toilet.
- V1.3.1 Minor Update - 31 March 2021
- Minor bug fix - Added an Settings option to Auto-Hide the cursor - Lil bit of new name food
- C̴H̴A̴I̴R̴F̴*̴C̴K̴E̴R̴ ̴H̴A̴L̴L̴O̴W̴E̴E̴N̴ ̴U̴P̴D̴A̴T̴E̴ 🎃🪑 - 27 October 2020
https://media.giphy.com/media/wzygmK4ZQ5XrLbLRSJ/giphy.gif 🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃👻🪑🎃 In time for ℍ𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔼ℕ comes our newest u̷p̴d̵a̴t̸e̴, featuring new content and bugfixes. - Halloween theme added ! (Aᴠᴀɪʟᴀʙʟᴇ ᴜɴᴛɪʟ Nᴏᴠᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 5ᴛʜ) - New chairs added !! - One of the chairs is now possibly cursed !!! ᴄᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜ ғɪɴᴅ ɪᴛ? - Tweaked some chairs that were very similar looking to be more unique !!!! - I̷͍̤̻̲͓͛͗̏t̷͎̮̺̝̤̐̏ ̵̰̘̱̮̣̏ͅs̵͍̪͕̏̉̓͝ḙ̷̊̿́̇͝é̴̢̧̫̻̹s̵͉͋̑͛͂ ̴̡̨̠̻̺̞̀e̵̢̢͕̩͆ͅv̵̮̅͆è̸̹̝͇̠͉̽͐̐r̶̮̳̭̘̤̹̿͆̑̆̍̈́y̸̧̦͎͖̫̏́͌͆ṱ̶͎̖̎́h̶̰̣̟͔͎̑́͊ì̴̫̞̂̃̂̇ṅ̷͈͉ģ̴̪̅̓̓͑̈́ Follow us on Twitter
- ℂℍ𝔸𝕀ℝ 𝔽*ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕊𝕀𝕄𝕌𝕃𝔸𝕋𝕆ℝ 1.2 SWOLLEN CONTENT UPDATE - 4 August 2020
T̴h̴e̴ ̴C̴h̴a̴i̴r̴ ̴F̴*̴c̴k̴i̴n̴g̴ ̴S̴i̴m̴u̴l̴a̴t̴o̴r̴ ̴1̴.̴2̴ ̴C̴o̴n̴t̴e̴n̴t̴ ̴U̴p̴d̴a̴t̴e̴ ̴A̴p̴p̴e̴a̴r̴s̴ Has the gloss worn off of your trash can? Tired of buffing out the stains on your upholstery with your center of gravity? Time to take the wet ham out of the fridge and dust off the old thunderclothes, because some new chairs are here to roost! The 12th moon of the 12th ring of the 12th planet is aligned. The silky smooth sine wave flies away from the wine glass, a shining, ringing noise. It screams about sitting and f*cking the places where people sit. This update doubles the amount of chairs in the roster. Wheelchairs! Antiques! Luxury! Royalty! I͛͛͛m͛͛͛p͛͛͛o͛͛͛s͛͛͛t͛͛͛e͛͛͛r͛͛͛s͛͛͛. So slam some extreme health sauce and jump IN the game, because the office surplus store is POPPIN. https://media.giphy.com/media/KHibX562l1nVIbpoAm/giphy.gif Be wary if your chair has teeth or writ…
- Minor Content Update + Fixes - 10 July 2020
What’s that, you say? You found yourself taken aback by sedentary allure & pleasure? A minor but curvy update has appeared to improve your simulation satisfaction. * A new chair and 2 new variations have hatched from their eggs and now appear in the regular lineup as a teaser for now. * Fixed some animations with wooden chairs * New terrible & wonderous text strings added to the profiler * Fixed a cheat code * Other minor fixey junk More chairs have caught word and are making their way for the future. Aye! Your stairwells will overlfow with joy. Stop, drop, and update Chair F*cking Simulator so you can get new content.
- CHAIRF*CKER IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR Y̶OUR̶ CURS̷E̷D STEAM LIBRARY - 7 July 2020
Dust off the f*ck bin, because in these uncertain times you're going to need every last scrap in there. Put aside your differences with every chair, because they all need to GIDDIT. Don't forget to charge your phone, and put a clean sock on each toe. Most importantly If our chair match-making service improved or ruined your life, please let us know in the Steam review cube.
- ChairF*cking Simulator Launches ŦØMØɌɌØW - 6 July 2020
Launch❤️day🧡is💛tomorrow.💚It💙crawls💜ever❤️closer,🧡like💛a💚sock💙full💜of❤️filth🧡hamsters.
- ChairF*cker Releases on July 7th - 2 July 2020
Alright bergère buckaroos! Steam review stuff is getting sorted out, and we have a locked in release date ▬▬ ｡ﾟ・*.☆ﾟ JULY 7TH ☆ﾟ.*・｡ﾟ ▬▬▬ Please refrain from destroying the universe until then. Or do your best at least. 💺 🥂 🪑
- ChairF*cking Simulator's Sweet Release Delayed - 30 June 2020
Ok well, hello beloved chair courting companions. The Steam review process has been taking much longer than expected, possibly because the earth is busy trying to blow itself up this year. We allotted 2 weeks to get through testing, but admittedly we also did show up with a game called Chair F*cking Simulator, so we can't really fault Steam for wanting to be super thorough when it comes to ChairF*cking. At any rate, we'll post more info here when we hear back from the review crew and have a date 100% locked on.
- ChairFucker Comes On July 1st - 11 June 2020
Behold, Friends! The time is upon us all to bring our gamiest of faces to the most exciting of release. For all of us who have performed at less than our best while fucking chairs, this is the training simulator that will Save. Your. LIFE! Learn all of the "ins" and "outs" of the chair casual dating world, in this highly-detailed stimulation simulation! Fuck chairs, friends
